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| Fall is here. So are it's friends, death of all things green and joyful, and painfully short days that leave you feeling that you are missing the whole day.
It may be a beautiful season full of color and deep rich smells, rainy days and pleasant weather, but fall has always been my least favorite season. Now I think I am a bit closer to knowing why. Fall really doesn't begin on september 21st like scientists mislead us to believe. No, fall started on the day I stepped into the buffalo High school to start my senior year. Don't get me wrong though, school is going great, I'm completely satisfied with it at the moment. Yet it's a special mix of the tell tail signs of fall that get to me.
I spend all summer staying outside late and trying not to waste a second of daylight on anything not worthwhile. I literally can not sit in on a computer or even in a well lit room with lots of windows when it is nice outside. Foam starts filling up my mouth and I get a horrible urge to bite people in the same room. Lets just say, it's not pretty.
But then all of a sudden fall sneaks up on me catches me off gaurd. The next thing I know, I find myself in a large building with my local peers hardly after the sun rises. When I finally escape from the florescent lite prison, there is less and less sunlight to enjoy. Soon it seems pointless to go hang out with someone if it is past seven. Why bother? It's already dark outside. Forget that I was leaving my house at ten o'clock during the summer to go swimming, it's cold and dark outside.
Not only is my amount of activity diminished, I actually feel like my attention span is chopped into tinny little bits and stuck in a meat grinder. During the summer all my thoughts seem coherent and connected. Now It takes all my concentration to put my thoughts onto this virtual piece of woodpulp. Doubly so is true for homework. Maybe it's just relative? Still, It seems harder to collect my thoughts, painful even. Like someone searching for their keys in a dark room only to bump into every sharp piece of furniture. More frustrating then anything I guess.
Not all is bad though. I love to walk out side on a fall saturday wearing jeans and a good sweater, something about that makes me happy. Maybe a good frisbee game to switch it up too. Frisbee always is better in the fall, there is just enough wind to make it interesting and never too hot to play for just a few minutes.
Well, that is enough rambling about that. It's time to go enjoy what is left of the day, I suggest you do the same.
Later.
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| Life is grand, my co-worker showed up an hour and a half late because of a mix-up with prescription drugs and alcohol. I wasn't too angry, I laughed in the end. I had a good day and nothing can wreck that.
Sadly that is not the case for everyone...
Sometimes it's sad when people don't know they have gone too far.
If you can only get high off insulting others you really should find a new past time.
If everyone hates gossip so much, why don't you all just stop. I think that would solve a lot of problems. It's not that hard really, just stop, before you get too far behind.
Look at yourself for a moment before you judge others.
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| I'm Sailing away, set an open coarse for the virgin sea. Cause' I've got to be free, free to face the life that's ahead of me.
So today I sailed for the first time ever, and I LOVED it. It's so
wonderful to skid across the water with nothing but nature and a little
ingenuity pushing you along. I can see now why people fall in love with
sailing. My only wish is that I had a bigger lake than pulaski to do it
on.
Marching band is pretty brutal, but then again our show will be pretty
awesome, you should all go see it on Saturday, I hope I can get my
section into shape before then, lets just say we have some work to do.
Nothing gives you shoulder muscles like holding a trumpet at arms
length for 10 strait minutes, and only getting a 10 second brake after.
Yesterday I went on an evening bike ride. It was gorgeous, the sky was
lit up in a swirl of colors that splashed onto the houses and trees. The
air had the faintist breeze and was the perfect temperature for shorts
and a t-shirt. I
only planned on a 15 minute ride but it was so amazing that I couldn't
stop for two hours. When I ride my bike I really feel blessed to live
the way I do, life comes to a perfect stand still and I am happy. Then
I went and swung with Laura, it was most pleasant. It's funny, the only
reason why I went outside in the first place was because I wanted to
get a better reference for a sketch of gigantic robotic pigs jumping
through suburbia, weird how those things turn out.
Perspective is such an amazing thing, I think just being able to
perceive in general is the greatest pleasure in the world, it is the
basis for all other pleasures. True pain and suffering would be having
all perspective striped away from you. In my mind that would be
ultimate hell, not existing at all. All the pain and suffering we know
in this world is relative. Maybe we just aren't looking at the world in
the right way.
When I was young I always imagined that those big magnificent clouds
that circled the horizons were actually mountains. I imagined climbing
down into the deep crags and up onto the dazzling peaks and staring out
across all of the world. But what I really enjoyed imagining were the
deep walled valleys cut in between the mountains, I imagined living
there next to a peaceful mountain stream. Now when I think about it I
still would like to live there. Maybe one day I will find a place like
that. I would build my house in the middle of a stream and have the
water flow through, around and above my house. The house would be a
part of the stream itself and where ever I wanted I could hear the
pleasant sound of water flowing. It's hard to explain on my xanga, but
if you ever talk to me I can give you a full mental tour of it.
Sometimes people act funny and don't make much sense. Sometimes I'm
like people too.
Just existing is an ultimate joy and bliss, wouldn't it
suck if you didn't exist?
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| Life is wonderful, and so are you 
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| I find it odd how my world can twist upside down in a second and then
back upright before I can do anything. Or was it upside down to start
with? Am I that suggestible? Maybe.
I love meeting new people, nothing makes me feel more happy than
meeting someone that I really connect with. New things about old
friends scares me. Sometimes I just want to start it all over again and
leave everything behind. I wonder who I would meet, who would take me
in and what I would do. Something tells me I would be fine, so what's
stopping me? I wish I knew...so I could KILL IT!
My last two paragraphs start with "I." Now I feel conceded.
I have enough credits to graduate as of this year. Why do I have to
come back? All I want to do is go away sometimes, but then I meet a
single interesting person and I wonder if its worth it, or am I just
fooling myself?
Bah, what a depressing post, time to cheer up!
I'm blessed in so many ways it hurts.
I have people looking out for me in ways that are more powerful than I can imagine.
I know there is always room for improvement, and so help me I will make that room less and less.
I'm surrounded by beauty.
Alright, well I guess this is it for now. I'm not a fan of posting, but
I felt the need to vent, for which I am sorry, sorry that you read
this. Lets just forget it and be friends. Sounds good? Ok cool.
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